Bless the Broken Road

Advent Week 1 - Outpost Against the Darkness

2011-12-01T14:51:00.001-05:00

“AlmightyGod, give us grace that we may cast away the  works of darkness, and put uponus the armor of light, now  in the time of this mortal life in which thy SonJesus Christ  came to visit us in great humility; that in the last day, when he shall come again in his glorious majesty to judge both the  quick and thedead, we may rise to the life immortal; through  him who liveth and reignethwith thee and the Holy Ghost,  one God, now and for ever. Amen” – First Sunday of Advent from The Bookof Common Prayer

The realityof the matter is that we live in darkness. It presses in on us from everydirection threating ever more to consume us. Advent for me is a time when likein a lightning storm on a summer night the whole landscape is illuminated indramatic detail. The lightning flash reminds us in the dark that that truth isnot in the darkness, the truth of the world around us can only be seen in thelight. The truth of ourselves can only be seen in the light.

The lightingflashes; we see the landscape, then the light fades and darkness again is allwe know.

Christ came2,000 years ago as a bright lighting flash brilliantly illuminating thelandscape of a cold and dark night. And as soon as that light came it departedagain. The world is again dark. It is again cold. We are dark. The Light leftwith a promise, rather with two. The first promise told us that He would againcome back with blazing light that would once and for all vanquish darkness andthe evil that takes refuge there. The second promise is that He would send thelight into our own lives.

There aretimes and seasons like summer days where God’s light shines all around me and Ican feel it’s warmth. And there are seasons of bitter cold, days of darkness,wondering if I’ll ever see the light I knew so well ever again. Advent holds intension the violent push and pull between light and dark. We see it in theworld all around us. I feel it deep down inside of me.

Advent callsus to remember that Christ did come. He in fact came and walked this earth. Hiscoming alone reoriented and shifted the enter order of the cosmos. And Adventcalls us to hopefully look to the speck of light in the distance that promiseshis return. We live in the in between, the now but not yet, that awkward momentbetween the sunset and the dawn when little flashes of lightning are our onlyrevelation of the world as it is.

Advent isrepresented in part by the lighting of candles. A candle stands as a smalloutpost holding the darkness at bay. I think that is what Jesus was getting atwhen he declared his followers to be “The light of the world.” He has given ushis light, so that we may be small outposts keeping the darkness at bay.

May Christbe Your Light

May you sitin and enjoy the tension of Advent

May you holdon to the promise of Christ’s Light

May you be asmall light, an outpost against the darkness.

Grace and Peace,

Justin Friel

Why I was born...

2011-09-07T20:51:00.002-04:00

“Thank you. This helped so much” He said with tears in his eyes. We hugged and I told him I loved him, and that I was here for him. I left Dave’s (not his real name) house I got into my car and with tears in my eyes whispered: “Thank you God.” I left Dave’s neighborhood and drove the extra-extra long way home with windows down, cool hair blowing through the car and worship music blaring. I was thanking God because that night God leaned down and whispered in my ear: “This is what I made you for, this is what I called you to. Do it. Be it. Chase it.”

Dave and I met a while ago, and he is one of a group of guys that I am making time for within my week to just “be with.” Some of these relationships are me listening to them vent about life. Some our us chewing on issues and problems, and dreaming about what’s next in our lives. But with Dave I usually just listen. I spend maybe 5% of our time together talking, asking him questions, and giving my opinion. With most the guys I didn’t purposely approach them and ask to share life with them. It just kind of happened. I was already friends with them and we started to be intentional about setting aside time to share life together. It seemed accidental, but I believe in a God that moves in ways that seem accidental, but in reality are masterfully woven together.

I was driving home from my graduate classes in Chattanooga last week when I realized, that what I am doing with these guys is exactly what I dream of doing. I am doing what I’m called to, and I didn’t even realize it. And when I talked to my mentor about it later in the week it was affirmed again. That I looked up and without even realizing it had stumbled along the path that was following God in the calling he had placed on my life.

William Barclay once said “There are two great days in a person’s life – the day we are born and the day we discover why.” I’ve been dreaming about and thinking about what I was made for, what my calling was for a long time now. But it wasn’t until that night with Dave that it was actualized, it was the testimony of Dave, and the testimony of God that affirmed and confirmed that this is why I was born.

One of my favorite quotes in the world come from Fredrick Buechner, he says “The place God calls you to is the place where your deep gladness and the world’s deep hunger meet.” For me, helping people. Entering into the midst of their life and simply “being there” Coming alongside the broken and the hurting. Dreaming out loud with people, bouncing ideas off each other. Celebrating where God is wining and seeking out where he is moving. Helping people connect the dots. These things are my deep and abiding gladness.

Saying “I love you” to someone who hasn’t heard it without conditions attached. Saying “I’m proud of you” to someone desperately wants to please. Sitting with someone as they share with you their darkest sins, their deepest hurt, and staying with them and showing them they are love, that they are not their mistakes, that they are still a beautiful and wonderful person. Showing someone Christ, seeing with his eyes, loving with his heart, speaking with his tongue, and binding up the broken hearted with his hands, heart breaking where his heart would break. That my brothers and sisters, that is the worlds deep hunger.

It is as the intersection of these two streams that I find myself. For me, for my calling and in my life this looks like becoming a counselor and sex therapist. It looks like becoming a spiritual director and mentor to men. It’s a journey that God has been calling me to for most of my life, even though at times I misheard the call and wandered off. I’m excited to chase after God in this, and I’m excited to reflect on it and share more of it here on my blog.

May you find the intersection of you deep gladness and the world’s deep hunger.

May you have the day when you wake up and realize why you were made.

May you be the voice, heart, hands and feet of Christ.

May you some day look up and realize you are in the midst of doing what God made you to do.

Grace and Peace,

Justin Friel

First Assumptions

2011-08-23T09:34:00.001-04:00

Some of my favorite moments are when my first assumptions about something are proven wrong. This happens quite frequently in the service industry; a table you thought was going to be awful and barely tip you ends up leaving the best tip. The shift you thought would make you next to nothing ends up being well worth the trouble. My favorite first impressions proven wrong are when I’ve made up my mind about someone and thought I had then figured out, only for them to prove me delightfully wrong.

Working at a restaurant some of the best conversations happen in the back booth at the end of the shift. Your tables are all gone and you’re just doing the mindless end of shift work before you can cash out for the night. As I’m rolling silverware or cutting lemons I like to ask my coworker a slightly invasive question: “So when you’re all grown up and a big kid what do you dream of being?” I’ve learn that just about anytime you ask someone what their dream is you are going to be surprised by what they answer.

So I asked a coworker, we’ll call him Dave what he wanted to be when he grows up (and yes I do think it’s mirthfull to ask a 20-year old what they want to be when they are a big kid). He answered “Well, I would really like to play major league baseball. But, if that doesn’t pan out I dream of writing for Saturday Night Live or writing my own sketch-based sitcom with my friends.”

I was taken aback by Dave’s answer. Here is this kid that really wants to play MLB and is going to a school known for getting guys drafted. Then his back up dream (which is still a pretty big dream) is to be a writer (which automatically made me like him more). What took me aback even more is he started telling me the outline for a couple of the sketches, as well as the overall plot arch of the whole sitcom. Then to top it all off, his ideas were great and incredibly funny.

I told him that I was surprised by his answer, and I told him that my first impression of him was completely wrong. It lead to him and I having a really good conversation about first impressions, and how we act and present ourselves to tell the world our story.

If I had simply been content to let Dave exist in the box I created for him I would never of truly known his heart and passions. It reminds of an article by Marshall Ganz that I come back to quite often. In it he says that we all have a story to tell, and that if we don’t tell our own story it doesn’t remain untold, rather the people around us tell it for us. What a shame it would have been for me to have continued to narrate Dave’s story for him, rather than let him share it with me.

I guess that’s the challenge then. To not satisfy ourselves with the assumed narrative for the people we encounter day in and day out. There will certainly be the crotchety old men that we assume are jerks and it turns out to be correct. But then there will always be more Dave’s, someone we assumed wanted to just get by in life, but rather wants to write and bring joy through humor.

May you not be content with the assumed narrative.

May you ask the questions and allow others to tell their story.

May you tell your story, and tell it well.

Grace and Peace,

Justin Friel

Eyes of Grace

2011-08-18T09:42:00.002-04:00

Eyes of Grace

A few weeks ago I was having lunch with a new friend named Austin. Through the course of our conversation I opened up some pretty vulnerable parts of myself to this relative stranger. In fact at one point Austin apologized for asking such personal questions, admitting he didn’t do surface level conversations well. Anyway, I’m in the midst of talking and he looks at me and says “You have a lot of pain in your eyes.” I had just met this guy and he looks into my eyes and tells me that. My first reaction was to try and close the blinds into my soul. Then he counters with “… and that’s ok.” I looked back into his eyes and I saw eyes of grace. I saw eyes that told me; “I’m not afraid of your pain, I’m not afraid of the stories of your scars and your fears.” Without him saying a word I knew this, I knew because truly the eyes are the windows into our souls.

Austin was right, my eyes were full of pain. Some of it was pain that had just happened, some of it was the pain of still-sore scar tissue. I’ve had a lot of pain in my life and because of that I often hesitate to tell people the fullness of my story. I hesitate because it can be terrifying to tell someone your story and look into their eyes. You stare back into their eyes searching for a window into what they are feeling. Searching and hoping for eyes of grace and acceptance, longing for eyes that say:

… and that’s ok I accept you.

I respect you.

I am proud of your bravery.

I want to walk this journey with you.

I love you.

But every time I’m afraid of seeing eyes that say:

That NOT ok.

I can’t believe you did those things.

I’m uncomfortable with you and your story.

I don’t want to hear any more.

I don’t want you near me.

My story is one is often difficult to tell. It’s one that people often don’t get, they don’t know how to feel about it, they get uncomfortable and squirm in their seats. My story is messy and dirty, full of pain and loss. It has no tidy and bow-tied ending. There is unresolved tension throughout the tale. I’ve often told my story and people try to feign grace-filled eyes. I’ve told my story only to gaze into judging, ridiculing, hateful eyes. It’s a look the shuts you up and closes you off faster than any slap in the face.

One of my favorite stories of Jesus is the story of the woman caught in adultery. This woman is flung at Jesus’ feet, and the religious authorities challenge him to pass a judicial ruling upon her. The give him two options; condemn her to death and therefore run afoul of the Romans, or let her go therefore violating religious law. Jesus however, chooses a third way; grace. He dismisses the mob with one phrase: “Whoever is without sin, let them throw the first stone.”

Many people like to stop the story there to prove: See you can’t judge someone because you have sin. But, the truth and the point of the story are in the next sentences. Jesus asks the woman if anyone has condemned her, she says no one. Then Jesus says “Neither do I, now go leave your sinful life.” Jesus passed judgment, he judged her life as sinful, and called to her to leave it. BUT, he did it from a position of love and grace, NOT judgment and hatred.

I imagine this woman looked in the eyes of Jesus and expected to see hatred and Judgment. She’d seen it on the face of every mob member. I’m sure the prodigal son looked to the eyes of the father knowing he’d see eyes of anger and bitterness. He’d seen it in the older brother’s eyes. I look to God expecting to see eyes of bored detachment, annoyed and angry at my incessant failings.

If God is only capable of looking at us with eyes of love, grace, and warmth then what gives us the rights as forgiven humans to look at each other with eyes any different from God’s? You can’t fake eyes of grace and love. Your heart must first be full of love, must be molded to the shape of God’s heart. Then your eyes will naturally express the love and grace that has filled your heart. What would it take, what would it look like for you to hear a story of pain, sin, broken aching lostness and to look back with eyes of love and grace?

May you have people in your life who look back at you with the eyes of God.

May you look into the eyes of God and see love and grace.

May you have a heart filled with love and grace.

May you look at the world with eyes of love and grace.

Grace and Peace,

Justin Friel

jt.friel@gmail.com

The first seven years...

2011-08-15T17:20:00.001-04:00

Seven years ago today I was baptized. As I typed that I had to pause. I had to slow down for a moment and think about that sentence. Seven years. Even though this is the first seven years in a lifetime of following after God, seven years is significant.

In the Bible seven marked completion. Creation was in seven days, the Book of Revelation contained plenty of seven’s. Seven was the number of years Jacob worked for Laban for both of his brides. Seven years of something in my life then, must be significant.

The interesting thing is that after seven years I am where I wanted to be the moment I came up out of the baptistery. I went into the water struggling with my sexuality, struggling to understand this Jesus who I believed saved me, I went in struggling with so much. I went into the water somewhat expecting to come out completely changed and renewed, no longer struggling with any of that. I wanted an overnight miraculous change. I quickly got angry with God about that. I couldn’t understand that if I was a new creation in Christ, if God was dwelling in me why didn’t he just heal me and make me anew. I fully believe that God is big enough to instantaneously sanctify someone and take away the things the struggle with. He didn’t do that with me. And frankly, I am glad that he didn’t.

As I look out over the last seven years I can see the work that God has been doing. How he has slowly, carefully, and lovingly shaped and molded me into a new creation. Granted, there have been times of violent shattering, of breaking and pain. Yet those times have been necessary for God to piece my life back together.

There is immense beauty in the idea of God working over the course of years the things I wanted done immediately. I don’t want to get into a theological debate here, but I don’t think that when I went into the water that morning, I don’t think that was the act that saved me. If the act held any power beyond deep and beautiful symbolism I think the years after would of looked immensely different.

As it is, the years after my baptism have held the moments were my most devastating and depraved sins occurred. The past seven years have been the hardest, most heart breaking soul rendering in my 23 years of life. The act of baptism olds no magic, no power to change a man or move a woman toward anything, rather then, the power of baptism lies in the meaning behind the symbolism. Baptism is not transformative in and of itself, baptism is simple saying yes to the only transformative power – the restoration brought about by Jesus Christ.

Seven years ago, like a bride I said yes to Christ. I said yes to following him on a journey that would one day end in my living for all eternity full restored to the way I was meant to be. My journey has been full of heartbreak. I’ve wanted to quite at times, a couple times coming right up to the edge. I’ve wondered away, thrown my wedding band aside, and journeyed to another land. Yet time and time again when I come home Christ forgives me, gives me back my ring and welcomes me home.

Seven years ago I wanted immediately what I could only obtain after seven years of a relationship with Christ. I wanted instantaneous transformation, I begged God for it, and he politely said ‘no,’ opting for the more beautiful method. I would never exchange the last seven years for an overnight transformation. I wouldn’t want the easy way out even if the option were mine to have.

Seven years ago I wanted God to simply delete away the parts of myself that were causing me to sin, the parts of me I wanted taken away. It took the wisdom of my creator to slowly and painful show me that the parts of me I wanted stripped away, were the parts of me most vital to the person God was making me to be. God showed me that he had formed me in a certain way, but along the way those parts had been perverted and blemished. One wouldn’t take a paint brush to paint over the Cysteine Chapel ceiling because it had grown dark and discolored with age. No, you would slowly with love and patience restore the painting to what it had meant to be.

I’m just now starting to see the parts of myself that God intended for good and I’ve used for evil. I’m starting to learn the purposes for which they were created. Learning to integrate all the parts of me I’ve tried to keep separate into one. I’m more of myself than I was seven years ago. And I think the beauty of that is that I’m more like Jesus because of the journey of these seven years. This is a unique time in my life, one that I’m glad I’m in. And more so I’m so thankful and humble that God has given me the wisdom and eyes to see where I am, and to understand that significance of it.

Here’s to the first seven years in a lifetime of slowly being formed into the image of Christ.

Grace and Peace,

Justin Friel

The Simplicity of Friendships Amongst Children

2011-08-09T09:51:00.001-04:00

One of my favorite activities in the whole world is people watching. I love watching people, listening to their conversations and then trying to create stories about them. In fact, I think a collection of based-on-real-people-fabricated stories would make a great book. But I digress… I was recently in a laundry mat and watched the little girl of one family run up to the newly arrived little girl of another family. After sizing each other up for a second, the first girl says “Hi! My name is Lizzy, wanna be friends?” The other girl’s face brightened and let out an enthusiastic “Yes! Let’s play jungle explorers.” And off they went.

Besides being a heart-warming and delightful scene the whole things got me to thinking about relationships and how we often go about forming them. I think people often look at the way children make friends, and long for the days when making and keeping friendships were that easy. But, why can’t they be?

One of my most meaningful friendships started in a very similar way as the little girls in the laundry mat. It was 2008 and I was starting my junior year of college as a bright-eyed (if not naïve) resident assistant. I set out that year to form a small group of freshman guys that I would devote to mentoring and discipling them through their first year of college. So my first lunch in the cafeteria the week before school I figured was as good of time as any to start finding the guys to form my group with.

I spotted a very young looking, shaggy haired guy sitting at a table alone. I split off from my group of friends and made my way to this guy. I set my tray down and said “hi”(as he tells it, the “hi” was awkward and laden with nerves). But, once we got past the awkwardness of the first hello, our friendship has become one of the most meaningful of important relationships I’ve had in my life.

The movie I Love You, Man centers around Paul Rudd’s character, Peter, trying to find someone to be his best man and guys to fill out his wedding party. The movie is essentially a bromantical comedy where Peter meets Sydney (Jason Segal) and they become best friends. The movie is one of my favorites and resonates with me for several reasons on many levels. But I bring it up because Peter wants to establish these friendships with guys, and to do so basically has to ask complete strangers on man-dates to become friends with them. I hadn’t seen the movie before that awkward “hi” in 2008, but it definitely reminds me to I Love You, Man three years later.

And in the last few weeks life has imitated art once again. A few weeks ago I had lunch with a guy I had never met (I knew who he was, and we had mutual friends and connections, so I knew he wasn’t some creep that would bludgeon me to death). The same week I had coffee with one of his friends (again him and I have mutual friends). Anyway, during conversation we came around to why I had wanted to get together with them. The simplest answer: I am looking for new friends. In fact, I bluntly asked the first guy if we could be friends. With the second guy I dressed it up in more Christian language of looking for community.

I resonate a lot with Peter from I Love You, Man right now. While my goal is not filling out my wedding party, I am searching for meaningful relationships. I’m at a limbo season of life right now. A previous season is passing away, and a new one lies pregnant upon the horizon. I’ve graduated from my first college, I’m starting grad school in a very specialized field. One of my best friends is moving to California and I’ve into a new house with new roommates. I’m ending counseling soon as well. To sum it all up a lot of my life is in flux right now. The worlds that I was comfortable with and knew the contours of are changing. And frankly that terrifies me.

People are not meant to be a lone in life. We as a species truly flourish in close connection with one another. It is part of the way that God formed us. I am the healthiest in community. I am at my best when I have a strong support system around me; a group of guys that I trust and can be vulnerable with. And my support system is changing, it’s shifting like everything else.

So, that’s what lead me to asking two guys I had just met to be friends. I knew that they were both good guys. I knew there was potential for a strong friendship to develop. But if children can start life long friendships with a “let’s be friends” in a laundry mat. If I can start my best friendship with an awkward “hi!” Maybe I can start other good friendships with lunch and coffee.

May you have the courage of a child to start friendships.

May you see the value and necessity of close friends.

May God bless, nurture, and grow the relationships you have.

May you see God as present, active, and intertwined in all your relationships.

Grace and Peace,

Justin Friel

Joplin Day Two and Three

2011-05-29T00:20:00.000-04:00

I’m going to role day two and three into one post.

Day Two:

Today was my first time on the ground in the middle of the disaster zone. Yesterday we had meet with families on the edge of the zone, and we had driven through the worst struck parts of the city. However, today from the ground level the devastation was completely unreal.

The team I was working with helped a lady out who lived just south of Joplin High School. This is an area that is considered to be ground zero, where the Tornado was at it’s zenith both strength and width. As far as the eye can see no structures that won’t be bulldozed. Only a handful of walls that give a hint at what they used to be – homes, business, and schools.

We got into the rubble of this home and started to work. They only thing we could do, move rubble from the pile of what used to be the home, to a pile of metal, wood, and trash (separated to make it easier for clean up later). Even though this seems to be an exercise in moving dirt from one pile to another, I think there was more going on.

Yesterday we spent the day showing people we loved them by listening; make sure they had the things they needed. Today we showed them we loved them by helping them in some small way move forward, to make room for hope to rise up from the rubble of this city. I know without a doubt this city will rise again, and I am honored to be a small part of showing, and making way for, hope to arise.

Day Three:

Today I did not go into the disaster zone at all. I spent the day with my family, mainly keeping my three nephews and niece from being holy terrors. At first it seemed odd, and a little perverse to be carrying on life as normal when a couple miles away a city still dug out from under the rubble.

However, since I live in Tennessee I only get to spend time with my whole family a few times a year. After awhile I started to see the blessing in this. My mom survived the Wal-Mart being destroyed. Also, the tornado could have easily swung north to hit my brother and his family.

One of the things I’ve heard from my Mom, and from the people I met is how thankful they are for what did make it through the storm – their lives, and the lives of their loved ones. Taking time to spend time with my family may be just as important as working in the disaster zone.

Joplin Day 1

2011-05-27T09:58:00.001-04:00

I came to Joplin thinking that I would jump in and help clear rubble, help families retrieve items from the devastation. I’m sure that I will at some point do some of that. However, my first day presented an opportunity of ministry that I couldn’t pass down.

Bryce Hansen was my youth minister during High School. He recently moved back to Joplin to be the youth minister at College Heights Christian Church (CHCC). CHCC has really stepped up to respond to this disaster. The entire church has been transformed into a distribution center serving over 3,000 people since the tornado struck. The church has clothes, non-perishable food, hot meals, toiletries and supplies to help these families recover. CHCC has also become a hub for coordinating and send out work teams to help the city dig out from under this destruction. The church body universal has mobilized to meet the needs of this entire city.

On Thursday I was able to meet up with Bryce. I figured that I would go out and work on a team with him, not quite. Starting Thursday CHCC had asked their ministry staff to start focusing shepherding the 70 some families from their church that were affected by the tornado. The goal was for these ministers to connect with families, make sure they had the resources and support they needed. The shepherd teams also gave some financial assistance to help these families, and then we prayed with these families. I jumped at the chance when Bryce asked if I wanted to join him.

We spent most of the day trying to find these families, figuring out where they were staying. From the first family we met to the last, the thing that struck me the most was the one line that I heard from every family: “I wish that I could be out there helping people.”

We heard this from the first lady that we went to go call on. She had lost her home, every single thing in it. She had narrowly missed being killed as this massive tornado ripped through her house. And more than anything she wanted some stability and normalcy, not for herself, but so she could help others. We heard it from the family whose son is blessed to be alive.

I thought that working alongside Bryce, his wife, and another minister at CHCC, I thought that we would be doing more physical work. However, the thing we did most, the greatest contribution he had was love and listening. These families just wanted to tell their story. To testify to the hand of God that brought them through this storm. We listened to these people and we loved them. Our hears and our hearts seemed to be the thing they needed most, and I’m sure that in time myself and others will help these same families rebuild, recover, and re-flourish.

Grace and Peace,

Justin Friel

Joplin Night 1

2011-05-26T01:27:00.000-04:00

I jumped in my car this morning in Knoxville and drove 700 miles here to Joplin. I came knowing that this would be a hard journey. I knew that it would be trying to come face to face with the reality of the destruction, rather than just seeing them through the media.

However it wasn’t until I got within a couple of hours of Joplin that the weight of what lie in front of me started to really press upon me. As I got near I faced the fact that the pictures were about to become real, that I was about to experience scenes of utter terror and destruction.

After I got home, and my brother made it back half and hour after me we went and drove through the edge of the destruction path. Those views alone stole my breath. I saw St. Johns looking bombed out. I saw vistas that shouldn’t even be possible. Yet despite those first glimpse I still don’t think it has quite sunk in the severity of the tornado damage here. I’m sure that once I get into the destruction zone, once I’m working in the field that it will truly hit me.

I plan on trying to keep this blog updated every night during my time here.

Grace and Peace,

Justin Friel

Joplin

2011-05-24T22:31:00.002-04:00

I thought Sunday May 22 would be a normal evening for me in Knoxville. But then around 6:15 I looked down and I have a text from my mom who lives in Joplin Missouri “I’m in a lockdown in the 15^th street Walmart. Tornado Warning. We all are in the back.”

Growing up in Southwest Missouri Tornado Watches, warnings, and sirens were a part of life. Driving to tour tornado damage was what we did. Since moving to Missouri we knew what to do in a tornado – basement, closet, or bathtub as measure of last resort. Myself, and so many people in Joplin thought that the warnings and sirens of May 22 were just like any other. But they weren’t.

I was in my car at 6:45 heading to a friends house and when I got out of the car I looked at my phone and saw three text messages from my mom. “1) I’m in the restroom. Lights out. Tornado touch down. 2) We’re being hit. I love you guys. 3) I’m not hurt but trapped.”

At 7:23 I got the text “I’m safe. Still trapped. Help Here”

At 7:49 “I’m out starting to help others”

It wasn’t until midnight that I was able to hear my mom’s voice. For the hours between the text saying they were hit and up till now I’ve been glued to one media source or another. Whether that’s CNN, MSNBC, a twitter feed, or local news – anything that told me what was going on.

I’ve been riveted to news stories before, I’ve watched in horror at scenes beamed into my living room of war, natural disaster, political uprisings. I’ve even watch news scenes of locations that I’d visited or lived near. But the tornado the struck Joplin was different. It struck my hometown. I knew the streets they were calling out. I’d shopped in the stores destroyed, visited the hospital decimated. I watched in utter shock at views of buildings that were impossible before the tornado carved a path through Joplin.

Since the tornado I’ve felt this tug and pull to go back to Joplin. To do anything I could do to help. It feels like an odd type of survivor’s guilt. What I know is that I cannot stand by and watch the scenes on TV of my hometown any longer. I have decided to go home and aide in the recovery effort for some time. I am leaving Wednesday morning and driving straight through to Joplin. I will keep my facebook and twitter updated. Text and my social media will be the best way to contact me, because cell phone service is still spotty due to the devastation of the storm. Please keep the families, communities, as well as myself in your prayers. My Cell Phone is 417-529-6745

Grace and Peace,

Justin Friel

My Senior Sermon...

2011-04-27T12:36:00.004-04:00

Last Thursday I had the honor and privilege of preaching my senior sermon at Johnson Bible College. I taught from Luke 15; the parable Jesus tells of a younger son leaving his fathers house and then his surprising return. This is a teaching I have been thinking about and working on since the fall of 2009.

The teaching was a sincere, frank, and honest attempt at addressing some topics that are ignored too often in Christian Communities. I approached this story as an example and a critique of Christian community. Through that lens, I addressed issues of rejecting the younger brothers who return from distant lands. I challenged our communities to be more like the father – welcome home our younger brothers with open arms and celebrations. I talked about my struggles with same sex attraction, and how this issue and other issues of sexual brokenness are too often ignored in and kept in the dark on our communities. I hope that this teaching is the beginning of a lot of needed and important conversation. I plan to talk on this blog more about my experiences with struggling through same sex attraction, and I hope more people do too…

Parts 1 and 2 of the teaching are below (it’s only 24 minutes but YouTube has a cap of 15min for videos).

Saying Goodbye to Kristofferson

2011-04-23T15:54:00.003-04:00

This is a picture of Kristofferson, my 1991 Toyota Corolla that I said goodbye to yesterday. It was surprisingly hard to say goodbye to him, I will miss him dearly – I won’t miss the money he cost me (over $1,000 in repairs within 3 months of having him – timing belt, water pump, valve cover gasket, fuel header pipe, fuel tank, fuel sending unit). He was a loud car (especially after the exhaust broke loose from the catalytic converter), he had no AC, the radio was spotty at best. I did like the way he looked, and he boosted my hipster cred by a few points. I didn’t like him that much, but I loved the idea of him.

I bought Kristofferson in July of 2010 four years after selling my previous car, a 1999 Pontiac Sunfire that I never got around to naming. I went through four years of being an American with no car. In college I became a pro at borrowing cars. The two summers I stayed in Knoxville people loaned me a car for the time (thanks Isaac for Bertha [RIP]). And after I left school in October 2009 and I stayed in Knoxville I started riding the bus everywhere I needed to go. Riding the bus was an interesting time, I have some surprisingly found memories of the bus. Yet borrowing cars, and riding the bus may of gotten me from point A to point B, but it wasn’t freedom – the type of freedom you can only get from owning a car.

In high school long drives at night through the back roads of rural southwest Missouri epitomized my adolescence. Light night drives to watch thunderstorms, conversations while going to fast ‘round curves, the feel of air blowing past – these are how I copped with so much going on around. When my mom moved out, when my parents divorced, when my heart was broken, when I needed to wrestle with God – when these things happens I jumped in my car and speed off. Because it that car I was in control, I could leave it all behind me as I shut the door and put it into drive.

When I bought Kristofferson I had this freedom back. I could go anywhere, anytime without having to coordinate a car, or remember the bus schedule and route. When I bought him I felt like I was a grown up again, that I had this freedom that no one could restrict, that no one could control. Kristofferson represented that I had come out of one of the most trying seasons of my life on top, that I had made it through – that God had guided me through this exile back home.

After I finished the sale of Kristofferson I got in my friends car and said “Hurry up and drive before they figure out how big a piece of crap that car is.” Though, if I’m honest the reason I wanted to drive away so fast is that I wanted to move past seller’s regret, because despite all his failings I will always have a found memory of Kristofferson.

My new (to me) car is Betty White, a 2001 Honda Accord that I inherited from my grandmother. She is a golden grandma car (a golden girl) and Betty White is my favorite Golden Girl – you get it, it’s funny. Anyway – here is to a long relationship with Betty, may we have many fond memories, and far fewer trips to the mechanic.

An Earthly Goodbye

2011-02-27T18:00:00.000-05:00

In the early morning of February 26 my grandmother Carolyn McBride passed. Her battle against lung cancer, and her struggles with the failings of this our mortal flesh are at last over. As our family begins the process of orientating to this new reality of life without Carol we are thankful and appreciative for your thoughts and prayers. We seek comfort and solace in the Gospel truth that this earthly goodbye is not our last, that in time, on the other side of shalom we will be reunited and our love will not be hindered by the limitations of mortal life.

Grace and Peace,

Justin Friel

A New Kind of Normal

2011-02-02T13:09:00.003-05:00

Crossings, the faith community that I am a part of just finished up a 23 week study of the book of Exodus. I am involved in production and planning for Sunday mornings. During our planning we talked about what some of the core ideas we wanted people to walk away with. This is my reflection on how Exodus has shaped me.

A few weeks ago I was listening to a news report recently about the rehabilitation clinic that will over see the recovery of Representative Gabrielle Giffords. The director said at times people can’t completely heal, but they can adjust to this new life. “We call that the new normal. Not everyone gets 100% restoration but we help them achieve a new normal and reintroduce all the aspects of their life that are meaningful to them.”

There are events in all of our lives that are so big that they separate everything into before and after; a death, a divorce, an accident, an awakening to faith, a painful confrontation with our humanity. For me some of those times are when I look down and am surprised by these shackles around my feet, the cruel calluses on my hands from a burdensome oppression. Its when I see what I’ve lost, and cry out for freedom that everything changes. The Hebrews leaving Egypt was one of these moments, a time of them being reintroduced to God, of breaking out of the shackles that had bound them. I’ve been through my awakening to faith, my parents’ divorce, and all of these have shaped me. In October of 2009 I went through one of these kind of events, an event that has shaped the course and landscape of my life in incredibly dramatic ways.

In the aftermath of my exodus event, I often doubted if life would ever be normal again. I mourned for my old life, for the shattered hopes and broken dreams that lay at my feet. And I forced myself to embrace the naïve hope that one day it’d all be better, that if I try and work hard enough I can return to the way things were. However, it’s the way that was that lead to the shackling of my feet and the binding of my hands. I think that’s what the point is, to not go back to Egypt but instead to press on to the Promised Land. The Hebrew cried out to Moses saying they wanted to go back to Egypt, at least they had beds and food. But, they couldn’t go back. I can’t go back, but I can latch on to and embrace this new normal. I can have deep joy at the life that I have in this moment. I can be thankful God has reintroduced back to me the parts of my life that are meaningful.

After leaving one way of life and entering into another, you must relearn how to be human. Mark pointed out the first part of Exodus is about getting Israel out of Egypt, the second part is getting the Egypt out of Israel. As a people the Hebrews had to trudge through learning this new way to be human; to learn what it meant to live in a covenant relationship with God, and with your fellow Hebrew. As I entered, and am entering into the new phase and way of life I’ve had to wrestle with God over and over again, to understand my humanity in context of his deity, to come to an uncomfortable intimacy with my brokenness and his completeness, my depravity and his holiness. I’ve had to trust Him and lean on Him as I seek after restoration, as I follow Him in what’s next for me. As I left my Egypt I had to hold on to the promise that God spoke to the Hebrews millennia ago: I will bring you out, I will free you, I will lead you, I will make you my people. And the crazy, mind blowing thing of it is that God entered into the promise with his new people fully knowing all about the golden calf episode, he choose Moses to lead them knowing that Moses would disobey him. And God has entered into community with me knowing that I will fail him, knowing that I can’t ever live up to his expectations. But yet he not only invites me into his presence washed clean and whole, he chooses to tabernacle with me, to be a part of me completely.

Unfortunately on this side of perfect shalom 100% restoration isn’t possible. Yet I know that with God, following after him as he shapes me and all of us into the people he dreams of, that he will introduce, and reintroduce parts of our life that are important to him, and to us. And all of this while walking a journey alongside a creator that loves us despite our inevitable mistakes. Maybe this new normal isn’t about perfection, rather it’s about God being perfect, about God making me back into his image.

May you notice your shackles and cry out for freedom

May you follow after God as he leads you to the promised land

May you embrace this new normal, this new was of being human

May you see how God makes you back into his image

Grace and Peace

Justin Friel

jt.friel@gmail.com - let me know what you think

Conversing with the past

2011-01-14T13:36:00.001-05:00

“If you do not converse with your past you will become a victim of that past. Like Socrates said ‘The unexamined life is not worth living.’” One of my professors at Johnson Bible College said this in context of explaining a class that examines the roots and history of the Restoration Movement. It goes without saying that conversing with our past has benefits far beyond that of understanding the movement that we come from, despite our possible rejection of the movement in whole or in part.

Conversing with my past has always been an experience that frees me, helping me to understand how my past has shaped me. How past experiences and events effect the way I live out my life now. The events of October 2011 are no different. It is a yesterday that effects my today, and a past the I must converse with.

It’s been a year and a few months since the events of October 2009. And in that time I haven’t talked much about those events publicly. Initially almost no one knew what had happened, there was this swirling mystery as I packed my things and left town. As time progressed, I told a few people, people I trusted, people whom I needed for support. However, I’m in a place now where I’m ready to tell the story, ready to share about what I learned in the aftermath.

I’m not going to come right out and spill my guts. I already have the line drawn as to how much of the story I will tell here. After all this story isn’t 100% mine to tell, and even then I don’t think it prudent or wise to tell all of my part of the story.

Sharing this story requires understanding of the past. It requires a conversation in and within myself. It requires for me to be able to dig into the events before, of, and after October 2009. I also want to write to share this story. There is power, hope, grace, love, and heartbreak in my story. I feel strongly that God tells stories in our lives that we are meant to share. It’s selfish to keep these stories to ourselves.

I want this to not only be a conversation with myself carried out in the blogosphere. It is my sincere hope that my story helps you to understand your own. I hope that my conversation sparks a conversation in you, your relationships, your community.

May you converse with your past and find freedom within that conversation.

May you examine your life and truly find it worth living.

Grace and Peace,

Justin Friel

jt.friel@gmail.com

®2011 Justin Friel

A New Year

2011-01-03T16:12:00.003-05:00

This is the Roman god Janus. In the myths, Janus is the god of doors, gates, beginnings, and ends. Often in art and icons, he is depicted as having two faces; one looking backward, and the other looking forward; the past and future simultaneously. January carries his namesake as the time of year to pause and reflect on the past, and to ahead. So here we go: a look back at the past, and a look ahead…

This last year, although tough, has been a good year. 2010 saw me live within my means and provide for myself. I started back at Johnson Bible College and finished the grueling fall semester. I lost some weight and lived a healthier lifestyle. I stepped up into leadership at Crossings.

I made a lot of progress and grew a lot in a variety of ways, and within several areas of my life. Yeah there were some set backs, there were some times that hope seemed distant. Yet as the year closed out and I’ve had some time to zoom out I have a great satisfaction with the way the year panned out.

This year I hope to build on a lot of the work that was accomplished. To keep moving forward and growing. So my goals/resolutions for this year:

1) Loose some more weight, eat better, and become more physically active.

2) Graduate from Johnson Bible College in May.

3) Gain admission into a master’s program, or find a full or part time ministry position.

4) Write:

A. Finish my Novel Underground (carry over from last year)

B. Blog at least once a week, hopefully becoming more regular

C. Complete in National Novel Writing Month

5) Read: I am putting together a broad and diverse reading list (suggestions helpful). I plan to develop a system for taking notes on these books in a format for reference later (again suggestions…) I also plan to post some of these notes and reflections here.

6) Continue in leadership at Crossings, especially as the new site launch goes forward.

7) To continue in building relationships and community with established people, and new ones too.

8) To carve out time for myself: be at home at least 3 nights a week, no homework after 10, and to take a Sabbath every week.

9) To put into practice Covey’s seven habits.

10) To write a better story and pick of the pen and write the plot line for myself.

So here is to a New Year. New projects and new opportunities. I’m excited about what’s ahead. May this season be one of looking back and look forward. May you see where you want to go and run toward them. May this year be full of Joy, Blessings, Renewal and Shalom.

Grace and Peace

Justin Friel

jt.friel@gmail.com - Let me know what you think.

Hit and Run...

2010-04-10T08:42:00.001-04:00

One of my roommates, Alex, once had his car totaled by a hit and run driver. It happened before I moved into the house so I wasn’t there. But my other roommate, Mike and his friend Jonathan were on the porch. Mike went inside to go the bathroom and when he came out Jonathan was standing in the doorway a little askew saying, “I think somebody – I think somebody hit a car out here.” “What do you mean you think somebody hit a car,” Mike questioned. “Well man this black Mercedes came a swerving down the road and BAM hit right into Alex’s car smashing it all up.” “That sucks.”

When the police got there a few moments later they took down a little information and then sent a patrol car to go and look for a banged up black, or was it blue, Mercedes. The first cop grimly said “Sorry son, but unless you catch a hit and run in the first fifteen minutes there isn’t much hope. He’ll probably take it to his cousin’s body shop in the morning an have them buff out the front fender.”

So there’s Alex with no car, and no hope for justice. Having to deal with the consequences of someone else’s action, not knowing why. I wonder if the person who hit Alex’s car ever even thought of making things right. He was probably drunk, more than likely had no insurance, and maybe even had a warrant out for his arrest. His situation probably made up his mind for him. It would be far easier to cover up his action than to face the consequences of what he had done.

Six months ago something happened. And when my sin removed the sheet over it’s head I started to wrestle with what to do with the monster I invited into my bed. I had the option to do a hit and run on the lives of dozens of people. Or I could pull over and admit what I had done.

When I went before the discipline committee at Johnson Bible College the first question they asked me was why I had chosen to come clean, why I decided to admit my fault when I could have just covered it up. I answered with a line from my favorite book To Kill a Mockingbird. Atticus is explaining to Scout why he is defending Tom Robinson “… if I didn’t [defend Tom Robinson] I couldn’t hold my head up in town… I couldn’t even tell you or Jem not to do something again.” I knew, that like Atticus, that if I didn’t come clean, if I didn’t admit my mistakes, if I didn’t take responsibility for my actions then I could never lead again, speak with authority again, I couldn’t ever hold my head up again.

It would have been easy for me to act just like a Black Mercedes on a summer’s night. It would have been easy to ignore it, pull the sheet up over my sin’s head and try and go through life. Simply pick up and leave. Bury everything as deep as possible. Or I could do the right thing and face up to my sin. I could face the consequences. I could do the right thing after doing so many wrong things. I decided to lead in the midst of my failure.

The last six months have not been easy. It hasn’t been easy stopping my life to pull over to the side of the road to deal with the mess I’ve made. Sinning is easy. Dealing with the consequences isn’t. Being truthful about your sin isn’t. It isn’t easy looking into the eyes of dozens of people whom you love and respect and who respect and love you and telling them you sinned, that you messed up and now you have to deal with the consequences. The act of sin is easy, but the moments after are more difficult than we can often imagine.

“Two roads diverged in a wood, and I,

I took the one less traveled by,

And that has made all the difference.”

Which road will you take? Will you be a hit and run sinner, running from your problems. Or will you do the right thing and come clean? Six months ago I choose the road less traveled by, the road I knew was right to take. And it truly has made all the difference.

May you confront your sin and shoulder the consequences honorably.

May you be bold enough to pull over and take care of things.

May you choose the road less traveled and may it make all the difference.

Grace and Peace,

Justin Friel

jt.friel@gmail.com - I’d appreciate comments

Review of The Search for God and Guinness

2010-04-07T16:39:00.003-04:00

The title and subtitle say it all: The Search for God and Guinness: A Biography of the Beer That Changed the World. Well, says almost all of it. Stephen Mansfield does write a biography for the beer that changed the world, however, he also writes about a company and more importantly a family that followed their convictions that the blessings of wealth they enjoyed truly should be used to better the world around them.

Mansfield’s history of the Guinness brand and family challenges this 21^st century American in several ways. First, through showing the example of Guinness’ desire to effective positive change through responsible use of wealth and power I'm challenged to ask if I’m willing to do the same. I do not have nor will I ever have the wealth or influence of the Guinness family. However, I am challenged to consider if I am doing everything I can with the resources I do have to bring about change.

Second, Mansfield discusses throughout his book the post reformation idea that we should, as Christians, treat our day-to-day lives as ministries for God, that we should serve God in the excellence, honesty, and integrity of our jobs and lives. This challenges me to wrestle with how to best live and work in a way that honors God and contributes to his kingdom.

Finally, Mansfield helps to remove much of the Christian social stigma that surround all alcohol uses. In The Search for God and Guinness Mansfield shows the responsible enjoyment of Alcohol, specifically beer is a key element of society, even by Christians, threw large tracts of history.

Disclosure of Material Connection: I received this book free from Thomas Nelson Publishers as part of their BookSneeze.com book review bloggers program. I was not required to write a positive review. The opinions I have expressed are my own. I am disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission’s 16 CFR, Part 255

2010-03-03T17:07:00.002-05:00

This picture is a secret from PostSecret back in November. PostSecret for those of you that don’t know is an ongoing community art project that encourages people to make a postcard or in someway to tell a secret on paper and mail it in. Frank Warren (the creator) gets hundreds of post cards every week. He tours the country talking about them, he has compiled the secrets into three books, and several art museum exhibits. Frank also features a handful of that week’s secrets on the PostSecret Blog.

I read this secret about two months after I left Bible College. The secret really hit home because I was still very traumatized and hurting from the events that lead to me leaving school. Well a month or so ago I read Lewis’ The Four Loves I couldn’t help but think about this secret especially one of the best lines from Lewis’ chapter on friendship.

“Christ who said to the disciples ‘Ye have not chosen me, but I have chosen you,’ can truly say to every group of Christian friends ‘You have not chosen one another but I have chosen you for one another.’ The Friendship is not a reward for our discrimination and good taste in finding one another out. It is the instrument by which God reveals to each the beauties of all the others.”

How true is it that within or friendships God truly reveals the beauties of those that we are friends with. I also think that like this secret professes that within our circle of friends, that in the way our friends love us and care for us, that this is God loving us.

Back in October after everything happened one of the first person I told the story to, the first person I confided in was one of my best friends. I was so scared that because of what would happen that he’d leave me, that he’d abandon me. I was afraid of being judged, of being ostracized. I was sitting on my couch with this friend and I was sobbing, not wanting to look up at him. Then he leans in and hugs me and says; “Man I’m running this race with you. And right now you are puking your guts out and I’m right here rubbing your back. And I hate puke, but I’m gagging, rubbing your back… I’m here for you until one of us is dead.”

This friend and so many of my other friends unflinchingly embraced me and loved me in spite of me making one of the biggest mistakes of my life. It’s as if God was saying “Justin, let your friends embrace you. Let these guys love you and support you. If they can forgive you and show you love, than imagine my love. I can’t hug you, I can’t let you cry on my shoulder, but they can. The things they do, their love, that’s me working in them.” The way God works through friendships is, for me, one of the most sincere and profound mysteries of our faith.

Lewis also had this to say about friendship: “Friendship is unnecessary, like philosophy, like art, like the universe itself (for God did not need to create). It has no survival value; rather it is one of those few things which give value to survival.”

Friendship truly is not something that we need. However, friendship and community in general truly is one thing that gives a purpose, a reason for survival. While community, sharing life with people, is not an absolute requirement to meet the biological definition of life. Yet on the other hand what is the biggest fear of a vast majority of the population: being alone. Community, friends these are things we need, or rather things we long for.

I know that if it wasn’t for the love and support of my friends and community over the last four months, actually the last five years that things would look a lot different. I could probably live a life with no friends. But I don’t even want to imagine what that’d look like.

Who are the people in your life that God works through to show his love. God you let them love you, do you let God love you. Have you taken time to tell them how thankful you are that they are in your life?

May you come to see the Love of God through your friends.

May God bless you with friends that will run this race with you until one of you is dead

May you let people love you, seek you.

May you let God love you, seek you.

Grace and Peace,

Justin Friel

jt.friel@gmail.com - I’d appreciate comments

Lewis' The Four Loves

2010-01-09T15:55:00.000-05:00

I just finished C.S. Lewis’ The Four Loves for such a short read it packs a mean punch. Lewis is brilliant as usual here. My one problem with the book is that Lewis regularly off-handedly references literature that I am not familiar with, as well as occasionally chasing the random rabbit down the rabbit whole. The entire book is good – however, the parts I want to focus on are the sections on friendship and charity. I want to take the next two posts to interact with these sections. Part one should be up tonight or tomorrow, with part two following mid week.

Grace and Peace,

Justin Friel

So This is the New Year

2009-12-31T15:06:00.000-05:00

Here is where you’re finding me

In the exact same place as New Year’s Eve

And from the lack of my persistency

We’re half as close as I’d to be

That is part of the first verse in Relient K’s I Celebrate the Day from their Christmas album. The overall message of the song is a reflection on the profound nature of the birth of Christ – “And the first time that you opened your eyes did you realize that you’d be my savior. And the first breath that left your lips did you know that it would change the world.” However the beginning of the song is prompted by reflection on the last year - mourning the lack of progress made from New Years to Christmas Eve.

I, as well as all humanity I guess, are on the verge of one of the biggest chances of a new beginning, not only is it a new year, but also a new decade. Only a new century and millennium are bigger. And in line with the grand tradition of setting New Year’s resolutions, as well as the obligatory New Years blog here it goes –

Last year I spent New Year’s Eve wandering lost in search of Pizza and Coke (the drink not the drug) on the streets of Putla, Oaxca Mexico. My trip to Mexico last year was transformative in many ways. I had to go a thousand miles away to understand my life and where I was going. I left Mexico knowing in what direction I was heading and more a less how I thought I was getting there. A year after that I am yearning for and seeking after a new direction and story. Hopefully this year I’ll find that direction and write a better story.

The overall theme of 2010 for me is this: I want to write a better story. Donald Miller’s new book A Thousand Miles in a Million Years talks extensively about life as story. (My interaction with Miller’s new work is forthcoming – a blog on ebb and flow in relationship is ahead in the docket) Miller talks about how in great literature, as well as in life in general all characters must have an inciting incident. This is the moment, the event, the action that forces them through a door that they cannot return through again. Almost three months ago I encountered a huge inciting incident that propelled me through yet another life changing door. Once the character enters through the door the character faces the decision to either write/live a good story or a bad one. I have decided to live/write a good story.

The second overarching theme of 2010 will be Exodus from Exile. The story of Israel is peppered with themes of exile and exodus. It was a famine that prompted voluntary-turned-forced exile to Egypt – which in turn prompted a grand Exodus. An exile for rebellion lead to the forty years in the desert which lead to an exodus into the promise land. Then there are the twin exiles, with one exodus back into Israel. Exodus as theme and book is about leaving something behind in order to pick up something better. It’s about trusting God to come into that which he has prepared for.

Essentially these two themes go hand in hand. However, there are smaller goals I have which build and contribute to these themes.

1) To return to Johnson Bible College in August to finish my degree

2) To lose weight and live a healthy life

3) To establish a budget and live within my means

4) To read, read, read. – I have a long reading list and plan to blog a lot of it

5) To write, write, write. I want to finish my novel, and be consistent in blogging

6) To continue to form relationships that are not solely based on the shared story of being Johnson students

7) To become more active and involved with Crossings, my faith community

8) To become more active with El Puente (see link to right)

9) To write a better story

10) To leave exile in a grand exodus transforming my life and touching the lives of people around me

11) To partner with God in the restoration of all things

What are you New Year’s resolutions. What do you think of mine?

May this near year be one of growth, joy, transformation. May God smile upon you and reveal himself to you. May you ever day, and this year become more and more of the person God wants and dreams for you to be.

Shalom!,

Justin Friel

jt.friel@gmail.com - I’d appreciate comments

Ransomed Israel

2009-12-25T09:58:00.001-05:00

O come, O come, Emmanuel 

And ransom captive Israel 

That mourns in lonely exile here 

Until the Son of God appear 

Rejoice! Rejoice!

Emmanuel  Shall come to thee, O Israel.

As I sit in Knoxville, Tennessee on the first Christmas morning apart from my family I cannot help but in some ways feel as though I am in exile. I am miles and miles away from home. I am far away from the places I thought I’d be, and the reason for this exile are my own mistakes and sins.

It’d be a lie to say that I am not a little depressed and down that I did not wake up to the sight of a tree, that I am not going to be sitting down to a dinner with my family that I miss dearly. I am incredibly homesick for both Joplin and for Johnson Bible College. Yet at the same time I hold this despair and longing in tension with the true meaning of the miraculous feat Christ performed 2,000 years ago.

I find myself sympathizing with Israel at the birth of Jesus. Here they were in their homeland, yet not fully in possession of it. They had the Temple where they worshiped, but as Wright argues had never fully experiences the spiritual return from Exile. And here I sit, in some metaphor of an exile, yet also anticipating a grand Exodus out of this.

Yet in tension with Israel’s situation and my own is the message of Christ’s birth. God saying “I am going to do something amazing through this baby. It isn’t going to look like what you thought it would. In fact I’m just starting to put things right, and it is going to take a long, long time. But the things I’m doing, the process I’m starting will not and cannot be stopped by the forces of this world, or the forces of our enemy. I can’t tell you when Shalom will be complete. But here – here is my son, the down payment on hope, peace, and grace. His birth, his life, his death, and his coming back to life will be a sign and a proof of hope, of the things I am doing and the seal on the promise of total Shalom.”

That message that God spoke to Israel in the form of a miracle baby born to Mary, that is the same message God speaks to me, and to all creation. Remembering that message today of all days when we commemorate his birth, truly is the hope of the season. I cling to the hope of a baby turned man who died for my sins. I grasp out for the hope that God is slowly putting things back together – even me! In the last two and half months my world has been turned upside down, yet Christ continually enters into the tumult to bring a steadfast grace and peace. I truly find joy, peace, and Shalom because God has come to ransom captive Israel, even if Israel is a 21-year-old man alone on Christmas morn.

May you find Joy, Peace, Wholeness, and Restoration through Christ in this Season and in all your life. Shalom!

Grace and Peace

Justin Friel

jt.friel@gmail.com - I’d enjoy hearing your comments and feedback.

©2009 Justin Friel, all rights reserved

Post Secret Video

2009-12-06T19:17:00.001-05:00

PostSecret: Confessions on Life, Death and God from Frank Warren on Vimeo.

I read Post Secret every sunday. This video was moving - it gets really deep around 3:30. Favorite lines: "You know all those books I don't let you read?" "Yeah..." "They are all love poems about you." and "I think death is a beautiful part of life."

A different tomorrow

2009-11-19T22:47:00.001-05:00

Nearing the end of Drops Like Stars Rob Bell says this “When the tomorrow we assumed would be tomorrow changes we must be ready to deal with a different tomorrow.” Drops Like Stars is billed as two-hour exploration into the inexplicable link between creativity and pain. A link that I have seen throughout my life and the life of others around me. What I did not know is that not long after Rob said those words I would be facing a tomorrow other than the one I assumed.

I had coffee with my mentor today. We talked about pain and hurt, and how God prepares us for the coming trials. He said that it seems like God often puts down padding, knowing that we are going to stumble, and he tries to prevent us from hurting too much. Rob Bell and Drops Like Stars were very much God throwing down some foam mats. I was completely unawares that my world was soon going to come crashing down, I had no clue, but some how God did.

It was utter irony, or divine providence that less than forty-eight hours after Rob had spoken those words. Forty-eighty hours after I had heard those words as a frame to understand past pain, and filed them away to say to others. Less than forty-eight hours later I resigned my position of authority at my Bible College, and I had started the process that would lead to me being suspended a week after Rob said those words. I made some foolish decisions which lead me down a path to some serious moral failings, causing a tomorrow to dawn that I did not assume.

The words that I “mmhhmmed” as I scribbled them down, these words suddenly took on meaning, because I woke up and they became my words. It’s been about a month and a half since everything happened. It’s been a month and a half of new tomorrows. Years of assumed tomorrows have changed. It has been one of the toughest six weeks of my life, and I know that I have a long journey of restoration ahead of me, a journey that I wouldn’t mind having company on.

I’ve been meaning to start blogging again, and the same mentor who talked about padding told me that my voice would be good on a blog right now. So I find myself trying to express my thoughts onto a lit screen, hoping that someone might want to read them. My point through all of this is more an exercise in self-examination rather than a dissemination of information. Though, I do hope that someone might get a little help from something I happen to say. I have a lot of good ideas for the blog, including an interaction with Donald Miller’s new book, some art I’ve been creating, and just some insights from my journey.

In many ways I believe in the theme of this blog now more than ever – I truly see the path that leads us to Shalom with God as being truly broken and jagged. I also, more so than any other time in my life, feel the longing and hope I have for a different perfect tomorrow. There’s a Hillsong song that speaks to this called You Hold Me Now;

In this life I will stand

Through my joy and my pain

Knowing there's a greater day

There's a hope that never fails

Where Your Name is lifted high

And forever praises rise

For the glory of Your Name

I'm believing for the day

Despite dealing with a slew of new tomorrows, I take strength in the never fading hope that there is a better tomorrow way off in the distance. And like the different tomorrows I’m living in, this one will be different too. But different because it’s wholeness, restoration, completion, it’s different because it’s shalom

Grace and Peace,

Justin Friel

jt.friel@gmail.com

American Teen The Movie

2009-05-19T15:09:00.000-04:00

So last night I watched American Teen The Movie, a documentary following five seniors from small town Indiana. In essence it was an hour and half long episode of The Hills. Except unlike the Hills American teen followed a cross section of the High School culture. They had the jock, the rich snob, the artsty rebel, the quite nerd, and the jock with a soft side. Despite the staged dialogue, the catty high school drama, and the awkward animated cut aways, the documentary did offer a poignant portrayal of the high school experience.

As I was watching the documentary I thought back to the last couple of years of my high school career. American Teen focused on the teens vying for which school they would attention for college, who they would go to prom with, then of course graduation. My last year of high school was unique in comparison to most of the people I went to school with, as well as very unique in comparison to the teens of American Teen.

First of all I only went to the fall semester of my senior year. I graduate in December so that I could go down to Guatemala. So I missed out on many of the rites of passage involved with the senior year. I didn’t walk at graduation; I didn’t go to my senior prom. I also didn’t have to worry about what college was going to accept me. I applied to only one college, visited only one college, and that college at the time had something like 95% acceptance rate. Good ole JBC!

However, I’ve had my own rites of passage that, for me, mark the passage from high school to beyond. The first would be when I moved out of my father’s house, into my brother and sister-in-law’s house, then into an apartment with my mom (all within a five week span). Then there was the thanksgiving with my mom’s side of the family not too long after my Grandma won her fight with lung cancer. Then there is going to Guatemala and living in a foreign country for four months right as I was turning eighteen.

I didn’t have the traditional, stereotypical, high school rites of passage. There were times when I regretted – no, rather I missed – not having these traditional experiences. However, as I’ve matured, as my late high school and early college years are separated from the present more and more. I can look back and appreciate that I took a different road – and not wanting to go into a triad of clichés I’ll stop that line of thought. The experience that have marked the last four to five years of my life are unique to me. They are what make me who I am. I wouldn’t trade them for the life of American Teen The Movie – no I wouldn’t trade them for nothing.

Grace and Peace

Justin Friel

Exponential #2

2009-04-21T15:19:00.000-04:00

Exponential #2 - Main Session with Erwin McManus

- Started out with a solid worship service from the band at True North Community Church a three year old plant from Long Island.

– Then came an amazing dance from The Urban Poets a dance team from Mosaic out in LA

– Then came a video from Tim Keller planter of Redeemer Presbyterian about church planting

– Followed by another dance by The Urban Poets

– Then came Erwin McManus

Thoughts on Erwin’s Teaching

Erwin preached from the story of Paul speaking at Mars Hill in Athens. From the story Erwin extrapolated three spaces. The First space is the space of the church, where we belong, and what we know. The second space is the space of the market place. The third space is the place were we can only be invited.

One of many things that Erwin said that were very moving for me: “We need a church planting movement, a social movement, a human movement that is motivated by love. Not motivated by self”…“Love covers a multitude of irrelevance” Erwin argued here that when a movement is based and motivated by love the things that separate us, the things that mark us as different fade away. Not in a way that we all become grey blobs, but rather that they are no longer things that divide or separate.

Talking about the second space I took the following notes:

– You can’t tell me that people aren’t open in the 2^nd space. They just don’t have people they can trust to be open with.

– There are people searching everywhere for people who have the presence of Jesus – and you can’t fake this

– The truth in the matter is that those of us that grew up in church, went to bible college are too afraid of the world.

– We have lost the ability to relate to the world

– Jesus died the most heroic death in history so that we can live our most heroic lives.

The jist of the second space was that in order to effect the globe, in order to impact the communities in which we live we have to be wiling to meet people in the market place. We have to be willing, like Paul, to go into the market place everyday and live and breathe with them.

The third place

The 3^rd place is essentially (from what I perceive) the juxtaposition of the 1^st and 2^nd space. The Third place is not something that can be created, it is only something that we can be invited to.

So that was the first main session. Looking forward to the rest of the week.

Justin Friel

Grace and Peace

Exponential #1

2009-04-20T21:25:00.001-04:00

I’m here at the Exponential Church Planting Conference in Orlando. Exponential has become the largest meeting of Church planters in North America. Right now I’m listening to Mark Nelson the lead pastor of Crossings Knoxville talk about his experience starting Crossings. Crossings was in many ways conceived at this very conference three years ago, so Mark speaking here is very poignant. I never grow tired of hearing Crossings’ story, mainly because the story of Crossings has become my story, especially now that I will be joining Crossings as an intern this summer.

It is very exciting to be at a conference like this; surrounded by thousands of other people like me who see church planting as an essential task in the 21^st century world. I am truly blessed to be here with my church planting class from JBC. We were given the opportunity to attend the conference at a very cheap rate as long as we also did some volunteer work for them. Attending the conference for almost free is very much worth packing welcome bags, and sitting outside for three hours sayings “through these doors up the stairs to the third floor,” or “faith hall is over there.” I look forward to what God is going to do through this conference. Look for my periodic blog postings throughout the week.

Grace and Peace

Justin Friel

The Broken Road Journey Begins

2009-04-13T23:16:00.002-04:00

The first time I read Blue Like Jazz by Donald Miller I was struck by how Don described his journey of faith in chapter one. This is what Don said: “I am early in my story, but I believe I will stretch out into eternity, and in heaven I will reflect upon these early days, these days when it seemed God was down a dirt road, walking toward me. Years ago He was a swinging speck in the distance; now He is close enough I can hear His singing. Soon I will see the lines on His face.”

We Christians find ourselves walking along a dirt road towards God. A lot of Christians say that the Christian life is "walking the straight and narrow". I get what they are saying. That might be their story, that might be their path. I know that that my road, my journey has been anything but straight and easy road.

My road is crooked, bent, bumpy, and broken broken. I’ve hike up to soaring mountaintops, only to plunge into dark, dangerous canyons and valleys. Along the road robbers are perched just waiting to beat me up and leave me on the road waiting for a Good Samaritan. Yet there are grassy plains, and easy paths through rolling hills. And I think that it is good that my road has been so broken. For me it has been vitally important to go through these valleys, to face the robbers, and to get lost. I know that I am not alone on this broken road. So many people find themselves along this broken road.

So this is where I am; on a broken road, winding my way through life. I don't know how far away God is. But it won't be long before I get to see the lines in his face. So that is what this blog is all about; me writing about my journey called life. I don't even know if anyone is going to read this, or if they will care. But the point of this is not to gain a wide reading, rather the point is to tell my story, because there is so much restoration and power in sharing your story. I invite you to come along and journey with me.

Grace and Peace,

Justin Friel