The first seven years...

Seven years ago today I was baptized. As I typed that I had to pause. I had to slow down for a moment and think about that sentence. Seven years. Even though this is the first seven years in a lifetime of following after God, seven years is significant.

In the Bible seven marked completion. Creation was in seven days, the Book of Revelation contained plenty of seven’s. Seven was the number of years Jacob worked for Laban for both of his brides. Seven years of something in my life then, must be significant.

The interesting thing is that after seven years I am where I wanted to be the moment I came up out of the baptistery. I went into the water struggling with my sexuality, struggling to understand this Jesus who I believed saved me, I went in struggling with so much. I went into the water somewhat expecting to come out completely changed and renewed, no longer struggling with any of that. I wanted an overnight miraculous change. I quickly got angry with God about that. I couldn’t understand that if I was a new creation in Christ, if God was dwelling in me why didn’t he just heal me and make me anew. I fully believe that God is big enough to instantaneously sanctify someone and take away the things the struggle with. He didn’t do that with me. And frankly, I am glad that he didn’t.

As I look out over the last seven years I can see the work that God has been doing. How he has slowly, carefully, and lovingly shaped and molded me into a new creation. Granted, there have been times of violent shattering, of breaking and pain. Yet those times have been necessary for God to piece my life back together.

There is immense beauty in the idea of God working over the course of years the things I wanted done immediately. I don’t want to get into a theological debate here, but I don’t think that when I went into the water that morning, I don’t think that was the act that saved me. If the act held any power beyond deep and beautiful symbolism I think the years after would of looked immensely different.

As it is, the years after my baptism have held the moments were my most devastating and depraved sins occurred. The past seven years have been the hardest, most heart breaking soul rendering in my 23 years of life. The act of baptism olds no magic, no power to change a man or move a woman toward anything, rather then, the power of baptism lies in the meaning behind the symbolism. Baptism is not transformative in and of itself, baptism is simple saying yes to the only transformative power – the restoration brought about by Jesus Christ.

Seven years ago, like a bride I said yes to Christ. I said yes to following him on a journey that would one day end in my living for all eternity full restored to the way I was meant to be. My journey has been full of heartbreak. I’ve wanted to quite at times, a couple times coming right up to the edge. I’ve wondered away, thrown my wedding band aside, and journeyed to another land. Yet time and time again when I come home Christ forgives me, gives me back my ring and welcomes me home.

Seven years ago I wanted immediately what I could only obtain after seven years of a relationship with Christ. I wanted instantaneous transformation, I begged God for it, and he politely said ‘no,’ opting for the more beautiful method. I would never exchange the last seven years for an overnight transformation. I wouldn’t want the easy way out even if the option were mine to have.

Seven years ago I wanted God to simply delete away the parts of myself that were causing me to sin, the parts of me I wanted taken away. It took the wisdom of my creator to slowly and painful show me that the parts of me I wanted stripped away, were the parts of me most vital to the person God was making me to be. God showed me that he had formed me in a certain way, but along the way those parts had been perverted and blemished. One wouldn’t take a paint brush to paint over the Cysteine Chapel ceiling because it had grown dark and discolored with age. No, you would slowly with love and patience restore the painting to what it had meant to be.

I’m just now starting to see the parts of myself that God intended for good and I’ve used for evil. I’m starting to learn the purposes for which they were created. Learning to integrate all the parts of me I’ve tried to keep separate into one. I’m more of myself than I was seven years ago. And I think the beauty of that is that I’m more like Jesus because of the journey of these seven years. This is a unique time in my life, one that I’m glad I’m in. And more so I’m so thankful and humble that God has given me the wisdom and eyes to see where I am, and to understand that significance of it.

Here’s to the first seven years in a lifetime of slowly being formed into the image of Christ.

Grace and Peace,

Justin Friel